Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Wow!

I can't believe I haven't done anything with this since June! I swear it was just yesterday that I was trying to find time to put Velcro Baby down and post.

Well, a lot has happened since my last update. Velcro Baby will be 7 months old in a few days, The Nut is a second grader, and Frito is potty training. And a lot has stayed the same. Velcro Baby still demands a lot of attention, The Nut is still getting in trouble in school and Frito is still in the 'Terrible Twos." Of course, the DEGREES of sameness are different. VB likes to get down on the floor and explore and find things to choke on, The Nut doesn't get in trouble NEARLY as much as she used to and Frito isn't *quite* as terrible as she was a few months ago. And we are still calling the FEMA trailer home, unfortunately.

With VB we did find one reason for her to be so fussy and such a restless sleeper-----she was diagnosed with eczema at 5 months old. I can't tell you how awful I feel that my *fussy* baby was most likely in a lot of pain with severe itches that she couldn't scratch. :o( We changed detergents, keep her slathered in Vaseline and use cortisone cream when it gets too bad but we're sort of stumbling through finding what works and what makes it worse. She gets SO tired and wants to go to sleep so bad but the itchiness keeps her awake so I'll start rubbing her *hot spots* and her little eyes roll back in her head and she starts to settle down. It's very sad and many nights I just keep rubbing and trying different spots and whispering, "I'm so sorry" to her as she cries and tries to sleep.

She also isn't what I'd call an easy teether. Her 2 bottom teeth are in and the 2 top are just starting to poke through and it's very difficult to tell if her fussiness and unease are due to the eczema, teething or both. I hate not knowing HOW to make her feel better and I pray that she's one of the lucky ones who outgrow their eczema issues.

The Nut is growing so fast. I told TGTBT the other day that sometimes I forget that she was that baby who was our world for almost 5 years before Frito came along. I forget that the kid with the attitude is the same child who was such an amazing toddler who captured hearts everywhere we went. It seems impossible that this kid who comes storming in to raid the fridge and toss her backpack on the couch is the same baby we used to kiss and cuddle and who made our life MEAN something. I now understand the heartbreak I would hear in other mothers' voices when they'd ask, "Where did my baby go?" It very much seems like the film just stopped and somebody put in the second reel of a completely different movie. I've come to realize that the yearning for another baby as your children grow isn't that you want ANOTHER baby. You want YOUR baby back. It's an uneasy alliance with this stranger and there's a bit of resentment that they *took* your baby. It's a very odd feeling and one that I don't care for very much.

Frito seems to have outgrown the taking off the diaper and playing with poop phase. About a month ago she came down with what we think (in hindsight) was rotovirus and I was going through diapers like you wouldn't believe because of the diarrhea. I said, "Next time you need to poop let me know and you can go on the potty." Sure enough, she almost immediately started saying, "Poo poo, potty!" so we ran over there and she went! Several times. It was diarrhea, after all. Since then we haven't been pushing it but have been taking her when she wants to go and she still doesn't have the timing just right as she always wants to try AFTER she's just gone in the diaper. But it looks like once we get that worked out she'll be an easy trainer like The Nut was.

As for the house, we've been having one issue after another that's pushed the move-in date back further and further. Every time we think we're getting so close some other bump in the road appears and we have to stop the car, get out to evaluate the situation and devise a new route to get us back on the right path. TGTBT is at his breaking point, I think. He's done so well with everything but he's SO fed up with people who don't know how to run their business, do quality work or keep their word that he's really rethinking our choice to stay and rebuild. Up to this point we've been saying that everything we went through will be worth it once we're back inside OUR house and it's just the way we want it.

I think we both now feel that we don't really care. I always thought that looking at my new kitchen cabinets built exactly the way I wanted them would make me feel pride and a sense of satisfaction. Lately I've had this scary feeling that instead they'll just be a constant reminder of WHY we were out of the house so long and that I'll hate them for that. Walking into our newly done bedroom may not feel like a sanctuary and a retreat just for us. It may just signal the stark difference between that and how we've lived for the past year and add to the stress instead of melt it away.

Well, nothing to snap you out of a philosophical funk like a 2-year old in her crib crying, "Mama! Help me! Help me!" I guess she has bigger problems than I do right now so let me go see what I can do to fix them.

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