I Can't Stop Sweating!

I'm sure it's some combination of hormonal changes and having a warm cuddly newborn on me at all times but I feel like I'm ALWAYS sweating. It's disgusting. What's even worse is that I rarely have time for a bath anyway so I stay filthy all day and get a 5-10 minute bath before bed while TGTBT keeps the baby occupied. I couldn't wait to have the baby so that I could shave my legs and do, ahem, other maintenence, but since I barely have time to do the absolute bare minimum that's pretty much off the table. And people wonder why new moms sometimes go through a depression and "let" themselves go to pot. I love the men who complain about how their wives never put on makeup anymore and wear sweatsuits all the time after the baby. We don't have a choice!

I do sometimes feel resentful that 99 times out of 100 the man's life hardly changes at all after a new baby. They still go to work, run their errands when they want to and TELL their wife when they have something planned as opposed to the mom who literally loses herself in the new baby. There's not a thing about my life that's the same as it was 4 weeks ago. My time is not my time, my body is not my body and, quite literally, my life is not my life anymore. This isn't my first go-round so you'd think I'd be used to this phase and it would be old hat but it doesn't get any easier. In fact, with the older kids to deal with also it gets harder each time.

Now, the above paragraph isn't necessarily about TGTBT as he does everything possible to help and encourages me to take time for myself. I do get a little bent out of shape that he doesn't seem to realize that I CAN'T. He suggested I go to Walmart by myself last night just to get out of the house and Frito needed diapers. The baby hadn't napped all day and had just fallen asleep on me and she needed to sleep. I couldn't just up and disturb her and drag her out when she was so tired. He said he'd keep her and I should go by myself. That won't work either because I'd imagine her crying as soon as I pulled out of the driveway and I'd get anxious and all worked up trying to hurry and get back to take care of her. In my defense she honestly doesn't stay asleep unless she's on me so the above scenario is a given. So he tries to help, but......

I did get out this morning with Frito and the baby to go to Walmart and it wasn't that bad. The worst part, of course, was the sweating because I had the baby in the Mai Tei all bundled up against me and I was just dripping sweat. But other than that it wasn't too bad at all for my first trip out with more than one kid by myself. My mom is coming tomorrow to go grocery shopping with me because that's something there's no way I could do by myself with the baby and Frito.

Anyway! I need to get to wash clothes. I forgot how much more laundry a tiny baby means!

I survived!

Yesterday couldn't have gone any more smoothly. The girls slept until 11 and Frito was very well behaved and the baby did a lot of napping and let me put her down a lot more than usual. Of course, my mother was also here from 1:30 until about 7:30 so the kids made me look like a liar by being so good. My mother cooked us a big supper and helped wrangle Frito throughout the day and held the baby some and I got a lot of laundry done. By done, I mean REALLY done. Folded and put up and everything. We've been living out of baskets for so long that it feels good to have that accomplished.

The Nut's teacher called TGTBT at work yesterday to let us know that The Nut has been really acting up these past 2 weeks. Gee, I wonder what could be going on in her life that's making her act up.......for 2 weeks now.........

So when she got home I asked her why she thought she was getting into trouble in school and she said, "Because I'm bad."

"Ok, but WHY are you being bad?"

"My mind is just out of control!"

Like my mom said, you KNOW she's heard that from a teacher before.

Today has gone pretty smoothly also and I decided to try to go it alone. So far the only conflict has been when I was trying to nurse the baby back to sleep and Frito was crying in her crib for me. It's so hard not being able to jump up and take care of her like I used to/want to. She doesn't seem to be any the worse for wear though and loves on the baby every chance she gets. Of course, she also tries to take her from me to put her in the swing so we have to watch that but it could be worse!

All That Drama

for nothing. TGTBT decided late last night to NOT go in to work today because he had a few more things he wanted to finish on the house and meet with the contractor again to tie up a few loose ends. So I have one more day to deal with the anxiety and freak out.

And I do believe I am a swaddling convert. I used a Halo blanket last night for the first time and she seems to stay much more settled. In fact, she's now napping in the swing all swaddled up. She actually didn't sleep as well last night as she did the night before but I think the night before was an anomaly. She slept 6 hours straight Sunday night. Last night she slept in 3 hour stretches. I'm happy with 3 hour stretches. But she seemed to be easier to get back to sleep last night and didn't really move around and get fidgety.

I never swaddled my first two. The Nut slept through the night at about 2 weeks and by about 3 weeks she was sleeping 8 hours straight. Frito probably could have benefitted from being swaddled but it was just something I never really thought about trying. But if it works, it works! And they look so darn cute all bundled up like a burrito. :o)

I'm Freaking Out!!!

TGTBT goes back to work tomorrow.

Enough said.

The baby (still don't have a nickname----I keep saying I'm going to call her Won Ton since she looks Chinese) sleeps well at night but for some reason is HARD to get down during the day. At night she sleeps next to me and will fall asleep nursing and that's that. During the day she falls asleep nursing but when I lay her down she wakes up within about 5 minutes. She'll sleep for hours in my arms or on my chest but that's about it. Which means I wind up sitting almost all day because I know if I put her down she'll cry and then I'll have to go through the whole process of getting her to fall asleep again. I wouldn't even mind that so much if I didn't also have an almost 24-month old to deal with.

So TGTBT has been taking care of EVERYTHING since all I'm good for lately is sitting and nursing. The times he's been gone and I've had to put the baby down to deal with Frito have been very stressful because nothing sends me through the roof like a crying baby. Not that it's irritating------I just have an overwhelming need for my babies to NOT cry. It breaks my heart. They sound so pitiful and I just want to make it STOP! Today I had to give Frito a bath and TGTBT was tied up with FEMA people so I put the baby in her bouncer and gave Frito the fastest bath in history and then she was upset because she didn't get to play in the tub so I had to listen to BOTH of my babies wailing and I was near tears myself. Thank goodness The Nut was in school because if she'd have joined in I'd have lost it.

Speaking of The Nut, today was her first day riding the bus to and from school this year. She was very excited. There was just no way I could see bringing her to and from school now that the baby's here. You have to sit in line for up to a half hour sometimes and the baby isn't overly fond of being in the carseat so this is best all around. Hopefully Frito and the baby will sleep through me getting The Nut ready and on the bus in the mornings so that I don't have to try to handle both of them starting at 6:30 in the morning. TGTBT doesn't get home until about 6:30 in the evening so 12 hours of a newborn and a 2 year old would do me in. I know it.

Frito has developed a taste for Desitin. I caught her eating a tube of it a few days ago, read the warnings on seeking medical attention ASAP and was freaking out because it was just me, her and the baby. I didn't think she'd eaten very much because it looked like she was digging out what was in the cap. I smelled her breath and it still smelled like cinnamon from breakfast so I decided she was fine. Then yesterday TGTBT caught her with an almost empty tube of it and it was smeared on her chin. We had no idea how much she'd eaten and her breath smelled a little like it. I hopped online and was reassured that it would actually be difficult to "overdose" on it so we just watched her and she was fine. Later that afternoon TGTBT caught her eating shampoo. We try to keep everything out of reach but she's at that age where she could probably construct a rocket to get at what she wants.

The Nut spent last weekend at her grandpa's and TGTBT and I got in her pig sty and cleaned it top to bottom. She called and I told her what we'd done and she sighed and said, "Oh, great. Did you clean out from under my bed too?" "Yes we did and it was filthy under there." ---sigh---"Oh, great. I had things just how I wanted them under there!"

Well, I've been on edge all evening anticipating what tomorrow's going to bring. I'm afraid to start our nighttime routine because it feels like the end. Once I go to bed I'm going to wake up in a whole new world and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Part of me just wants to fast-forward through the next 3 months or so to when it'll be easier. And people actually PLAN and WANT to have kids this close together?! I just keep thinking of my sisters who each have had very stressful newborn periods for different reasons. They survived it and I suppose I will too. I just may need to have 5 minutes every day when TGTBT gets home to lock myself in the bathroom for a good cry. I'm sure he won't mind.

What Was He THINKING??!! TWICE!!

If you tend to curse me, at least in your head, for all of my posts bragging on TGTBT, you may want to read this.

Yesterday TGTBT got up to get The Nut ready for school. He leaves the bedroom door (where I'm sleeping with Baby Girl) wide open so we're hearing everything going on and Baby Girl is jumping every time The Nut coughs. Then we get treated to an argument about why The Nut can't ride the bus just yet. I have Baby Girl on my chest so I can't even yell at TGTBT to tell him to pipe down. In a moment of brilliance I grab my cell phone and send him a text----Shut BR door please and/or turn on fan. In a moment of decidedly NON-brilliance, he texts me back an answer...........seriously. He leaned in to shut the door and whispered, "I texted you back, catch it" just as my phone rang and Baby Girl jumped again. -----sigh-----

Last night was even better. The Nut was in the bath and I was nursing Baby Girl. TGTBT gets Frito into her night-night diaper and pajamas and then heads outside. I had just mentioned that I needed to wash clothes so I assumed that's what he was doing and I expected him back inside any minute. I waited and waited and no TGTBT. By now The Nut is out of the bathroom, buck naked and dripping wet and keeps trying to sit on the couch to watch tv. Frito is standing in front of the coffee table and chunking all the freshly folded clothes over her shoulders. I can't yell because of Baby Girl on me nursing and dozing.

I'm doing the best I can while cursing TGTBT in my head and I can feel a nervous breakdown coming. Next thing I know I hear a zipper and in a flash Frito is pj-less. I tell The Nut to lean out the door and holler for Dad. She does and we give it a few minutes and still no TGTBT. Then Frito is diaper-less. I tell The Nut to holler louder. Nada. This time I tell her to yell as loudly as she can, "Daddy! Mommy needs you!"

In a minute the door opens and TGTBT walks in just as Frito, without a stitch on, goes streaking by in front of him laughing and squealing. The Nut is on the couch with wet hair dripping everywhere. Clean clothes are spread all over the dirty floor and I'm shooting daggers at him with my eyes. And he has the gall to look angry that we called him into the house. He defensively says, "I was in the middle of something" when I grill him on where he was and on WHAT possessed him to leave the house and start working on something right at the time we're getting the girls ready for bed. I felt bad because almost everything has been on his shoulders this past week, but come on!

So he swoops in and saves the day and by the time he came out of Frito's room he was pretty sheepish and apologetic. I just felt so helpless watching everything fall apart in front of me but knowing if I set the baby down she'd start wailing and add to the chaos so I just had to sit there and take it.

What am I going to do when he goes back to work?????

Sleep, Poop, Eat-----Rinse and Repeat.

Life with a newborn. Ah. Nothing quite so sweet or so time-consuming. Whenever she's been on me non-stop for 2 hours and I'm itching to get up and take care of things around here I stop and remind myself that her fuzzy head will soon be too big to fit "just right" in the crook of my neck. Before long her tiny body won't be able to fold into a ball on my chest while she sleeps. She'll lose that fresh newborn scent all too soon and take on the smell of baby lotion and spit-up. When I lift her to adjust her position she won't do that move where she stretches her arms and back with pursed lips while her legs are froggied up to her body. And saddest of all, in no time she'll have nursing down and I won't feel those sweet soft lips pecking all over my neck and face searching for a nipple.

We're 99% sure this is our last journey into newborn territory and I want to savor every minute. It's kind of hard to savor a fussy baby who is awake from 3-7 AM, sore nipples where the scabs keep being sucked off, sore back and arms from having to hold myself JUST SO lest she be disturbed and want to latch on to fall back asleep, having to postpone bathroom trips until the perfect moment to set her down and run and hope she doesn't squall before you can make it back and countless other "inconveniences" you tend to forget about once they're out of this stage. But I'm trying. I've been through it twice before and know all too well how quickly this passes and my uterus begins to twitch at the thought of that fuzzy head nestled into my neck.

We're going for the newborn screen today which means a heel stick. My usual role is to hand the baby off to TGTBT to hold while I stand in the hallway crying and trying not to throw up. I think I'm going to man up this time and try to nurse her through it. If I can handle this it'll be more proof of a woman's strength than even going through labor and childbirth. That's just physical pain. Hearing your baby cry while someone jabs a needle into that silken skin rips your heart out and you die a little inside. At least I do.

On to better thoughts! Little Miss (don't get attached----that surely won't stick as a permanent nickname because there are no foodstuffs involved) slept in 2.5 hour stretches last night which means I not only feel human this morning, I'm a veritable font of energy! LOL We went to bed at midnight and were up at 3, 6 and for the day at 9. Compared to the last few nights it was like a week at the spa. Last night we nursed on one side, checked for dirty diaper and then nursed on the other until she fell asleep. Apparently her stomach holds more at this age than my other girls' because they'd nurse one boob at a time and fall asleep for hours. Now that I know she needs something different I'm hoping this continues to work.

I need to get dressed for the torture/trauma I have to endure. I say "I" because I know it'll be way worse on me than on her. She'll be fine as soon as it's over while I'll think about it and cry for days. And Lord help me when it comes time to have her extra pinkies removed. That right there is another of TGTBT's flaws, I suppose. Not that it's his fault he carries that gene but it does mean all our babies need minor surgery. The Nut's were removed at 3 months and Frito's at 5 months so sometime this summer you'll be able to read all about it.

For pics, click on the link to "Leesha'sPhotography" to the right. She came yesterday and we had a photo shoot and some of the pics are on her blog.

Countdown to Baby is Over

Yep. I wasn't pregnant forever! Precious baby girl number 3 made her grand entrance in the wee hours of the morning April 7th. We don't have an official nickname for her yet and I suppose we should stick to the food theme though that theme was unintentional initially. She fell smack dab in the middle of The Nut and Frito a far as birth stats go. 8 lbs. 13 oz. and 21.5 inches long. Her birth was only slightly longer than Frito's but was WAY calmer.

So, I NEED warm water to labor in for the pain relief. We bought a baby pool to set up in the FEMA trailer but realized a few days ago that it wouldn't work because it would take forever to fill so we couldn't wait until I went into labor and we couldn't fill it and wait because there was no way to keep the water warm. So TGTBT went into "fix it" mode and starting running around trying to find something suitable. I figured we'd just make do with the tiny tub and I'd get through it somehow. My sister decided to look around on her own and hit the jackpot at Academy. http://www.academy.com/index.php?page=content&target=products/outdoors/pool/pools&start=8&zoom=1&selectedSKU=0106-40860-0001

So TGTBT set it up late Sunday night and he did it redneck style. He had a piece of flexible liquid tight electrical conduit duct taped to a piece of rigid electrical conduit that was attached to the kitchen sink using a small PVC elbow. That contraption rested on the back of a kitchen chair as it drained into the spa. It was his crowning moment in improvisation. He was so proud. I actually hopped in it that night and floated around and relaxed while we watched a movie.

I had the date of April 7th in my head for a while for various reasons but thought it would never happen because my birth predictions never come true. We went to bed at around 11:00 and on the way I told him, "The thought of spending another night pregnant is just killing me." :o) At some point as I was falling asleep I felt a 'pop' and thought to myself that it felt similar to when I started labor with Frito. I didn't feel any wetness or anything else so I ignored it and went back to sleep. At around 12:30 I got up to pee and felt water leaking as I sat up. Yay! I waddled to the bathroom and more water poured out as I sat on the toilet.

I went back to the bedroom and tried to wake TGTBT up but he had come down with a sinus infection and felt SO bad and was exhausted so he was out. I cleaned myself up and tried harder to wake him up and it worked but I think he was hoping I was wrong so he could go back to sleep. I called the midwife who was glad she only had to walk from her RV in our driveway instead of drive 2 hours to get to us. I also called my mother and sister and we decided to not call the sister in Dallas because she was getting up early to head down here anyway and we knew she wouldn't make it in time anyway so we figured at least SOMEONE should get a good night's sleep.

I waited around for contractions and after about 15 minutes they started. I hopped into the spa and hoped the warm water would slow it down enough for everyone to get here but not draw it out too long. The contractions were very irregular and not consistent in intensity at all. I'd have a doozie that would double-peak and last for nearly 2 minutes and then a teeny one that I didn't even have to pay attention to. My mother and sister showed up about 1:30 and we were all having a good time laughing and joking. I kept asking what the time was because I was sure I'd just speed through in about an hour since Frito's birth was only about 2.5 hours.

At some point I remember telling TGTBT that he should probably go ahead and get into the spa because once it kicked off good I wouldn't be able to handle him jostling me to get in. I also made him turn off the bubbles in the middle of one big contraction because it was affecting my concentration. It was about this point that I also told my sister to "shut up" because she was talking in the middle of a contraction. From this point on I have no concept of time and I was in laborland with my eyes closed trying not to notice anything but the contractions so I could deal with them.

Up to this point I had been completely silent during contractions other than trying to keep my breathing slow and deep. All the sudden I started vocalizing. When birthing naturally there's a point where you enter transition and begin to moan involuntarily. The groans are VERY deep and although you're aware that you sound possessed there's not a dang thing you can do about it. My midwife even says there's a certain note that's so low you can't hit it unless you're just about ready to push. The contractions were extremely painful at this point and I kept telling myself that I could get through this ONE contraction if it meant I could push during the next one. That happened through about 5 contractions and then I realized I was about to push.

The midwife's assistant was just walking in the door. I told my sister to wake up The Nut but to let Frito sleep until just after the baby was born. Here comes The Nut in her pj's smiling from ear to ear to see all the excitement and know the baby was about to be here. I pushed once and felt the baby move way down and knew she was going to come flying out. I lifted myself up and did a crab walk across the spa to the midwives yelling that she was coming and I needed support or I'd tear. I was pushing the entire time and couldn't figure out why they were just sitting there watching me and not DOING anything, lol. They had no clue how fast she was coming.

So TGTBT helps hold me up and all the sudden her head is there and both midwives and TGTBT jump to help support me so I don't tear. I pushed again and she SHOT out into the water about a foot. My midwife caught her and lifted her onto my chest and that was that. In all the excitement I don't know if anyone got the exact time but our estimate is 3:45. My mother got Frito up and she was so confused about all the action. She just stared at the baby with her mouth hanging open. I think she understands that the baby was in my tummy and that I didn't just show up here one day with this stranger.

The cord took forever to quit pulsating and when it did The Nut got to cut it. She wasn't quite strong enough to make it all the way through but she said she'd do better next time. :o) After it was cut I grabbed the other end that was still attached to me and noticed a true knot. It looked like a little pretzel. I stood up to deliver the placenta and could not get it out. It was like all my muscles had been so overstretched and overworked that they were completely useless. Of course, I'm also worried about it not detatching and I'm thinking that would be my luck. Such an awesome birth and then have to go to the hospital anyway to get the placenta taken out.

So we worked at it and I changed positions a few times and it finally came out. I had no tears, surprisingly, considering she came out in under a minute. All in all I feel great and it's kind of hard to keep myself from doing too much because of that. All day Tuesday the baby slept and was up pretty much all night Tuesday night. We were a little concerned with a funny hitch in her breathing so we decided to get her to the pediatrician for her newborn exam sooner rather than later so her appointment was yesterday afternoon. The pediatrician didn't find anything wrong and deemed her perfectly healthy. The baby slept much better last night (as did I) and my milk is coming in so she's enjoying that new phase.

As long as this post is there's actually much more that I want to add but I'm getting sleepy and things are the calmest they've been around here since she was born so I'm going to take advantage of that and rest a little. Thanks for reading!

Well! Doesn't THAT just take the biscuit?!

The Nut just asked me, "Momma, do you WANT another baby?"

Assuming she's talking about the one coming any day now........."Well, yes."

Tsk, tsk. "That sure is going to be a lot of work for daddy."

He got a kick out of that.