I'm Freaking Out!!!

TGTBT goes back to work tomorrow.

Enough said.

The baby (still don't have a nickname----I keep saying I'm going to call her Won Ton since she looks Chinese) sleeps well at night but for some reason is HARD to get down during the day. At night she sleeps next to me and will fall asleep nursing and that's that. During the day she falls asleep nursing but when I lay her down she wakes up within about 5 minutes. She'll sleep for hours in my arms or on my chest but that's about it. Which means I wind up sitting almost all day because I know if I put her down she'll cry and then I'll have to go through the whole process of getting her to fall asleep again. I wouldn't even mind that so much if I didn't also have an almost 24-month old to deal with.

So TGTBT has been taking care of EVERYTHING since all I'm good for lately is sitting and nursing. The times he's been gone and I've had to put the baby down to deal with Frito have been very stressful because nothing sends me through the roof like a crying baby. Not that it's irritating------I just have an overwhelming need for my babies to NOT cry. It breaks my heart. They sound so pitiful and I just want to make it STOP! Today I had to give Frito a bath and TGTBT was tied up with FEMA people so I put the baby in her bouncer and gave Frito the fastest bath in history and then she was upset because she didn't get to play in the tub so I had to listen to BOTH of my babies wailing and I was near tears myself. Thank goodness The Nut was in school because if she'd have joined in I'd have lost it.

Speaking of The Nut, today was her first day riding the bus to and from school this year. She was very excited. There was just no way I could see bringing her to and from school now that the baby's here. You have to sit in line for up to a half hour sometimes and the baby isn't overly fond of being in the carseat so this is best all around. Hopefully Frito and the baby will sleep through me getting The Nut ready and on the bus in the mornings so that I don't have to try to handle both of them starting at 6:30 in the morning. TGTBT doesn't get home until about 6:30 in the evening so 12 hours of a newborn and a 2 year old would do me in. I know it.

Frito has developed a taste for Desitin. I caught her eating a tube of it a few days ago, read the warnings on seeking medical attention ASAP and was freaking out because it was just me, her and the baby. I didn't think she'd eaten very much because it looked like she was digging out what was in the cap. I smelled her breath and it still smelled like cinnamon from breakfast so I decided she was fine. Then yesterday TGTBT caught her with an almost empty tube of it and it was smeared on her chin. We had no idea how much she'd eaten and her breath smelled a little like it. I hopped online and was reassured that it would actually be difficult to "overdose" on it so we just watched her and she was fine. Later that afternoon TGTBT caught her eating shampoo. We try to keep everything out of reach but she's at that age where she could probably construct a rocket to get at what she wants.

The Nut spent last weekend at her grandpa's and TGTBT and I got in her pig sty and cleaned it top to bottom. She called and I told her what we'd done and she sighed and said, "Oh, great. Did you clean out from under my bed too?" "Yes we did and it was filthy under there." ---sigh---"Oh, great. I had things just how I wanted them under there!"

Well, I've been on edge all evening anticipating what tomorrow's going to bring. I'm afraid to start our nighttime routine because it feels like the end. Once I go to bed I'm going to wake up in a whole new world and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Part of me just wants to fast-forward through the next 3 months or so to when it'll be easier. And people actually PLAN and WANT to have kids this close together?! I just keep thinking of my sisters who each have had very stressful newborn periods for different reasons. They survived it and I suppose I will too. I just may need to have 5 minutes every day when TGTBT gets home to lock myself in the bathroom for a good cry. I'm sure he won't mind.